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  • Writer's pictureE. Young

And the two became ONE

It’s so interesting to hear of people getting married and continuing to use me, my, you, and your language. It is literally a mind blowing situation.

Naturally, we know that the two becoming one signifies that the new husband and his new bride made whoopi? Anybody?? Did the bump and grind??? Ok, fine, they had sex. We know that the man freely (and gladly, I might add)gave his body to his new bride and his new bride, did vice versa. But, what baffles me, is the fact that these two people who became one on their wedding night still choose to have things separate after that moment (or moments) of joining together. Some, for years after that.

I would argue that becoming one isn’t truly the goal for everyone. Or maybe becoming one with restrictions is a better way to describe it. However, to become one with restrictions, I would think means, that you never really became one at all!

She left her fathers' house

I know that everyone's family house is not structured in the same way, but in my house… Did you catch that?

Before I moved away from my parents house, our family home. I called it my house. Or, if I had a friend over, I asked if they could come over to MY house. However, I didn't put not one dime on the purchase of the homes I was privileged to live in. Other common statements I made were “ I can’t wait to get into MY bed”, especially after back to back dance classes on a school day. My point here is, that when I lived in my fathers' house, we all used the term ‘MY house’ which in turn meant that the house that we lived in was ours.

My parents worked hard and they bought their house, they had their savings account, they had their checking account. When they gave me lunch money it was then MY lunch money. When they bought me a car it was MY car. Do you catch the language that I’m using... they, mine and ours. As a child I never thought to myself “ well this is their car that they allow me to drive, because I didn’t have a job when they bought it. I didn’t think for one minute that “ this is their food because they bought it with their paycheck, and I didn’t have enough to cover groceries this week". Those thoughts never crossed my mind! It wasn’t until I moved out and in with my husband that I started to even call my family home, ‘my parents’ house’!

What Changed?

The thing that changed was the authority in which I was under. When I married my hubby love, I left my fathers’ house and moved into ‘MY house’ yet again. You see MY house, is the house in which I share with the one who has authority over me. (More on authority and headship in another blog post) So, I left my fathers' house and moved into my husbands’ house. Let me say this…. Even if I bought the house myself, before we tied the knot, when I got married it is now my husbands’ house. He became the head of this home, no matter who bought what! We became one, so my language changed to that of oneness; my bed is our bed, our savings account, my room, our room. Becoming one means that the words my and our become interchangeable. When hubby left his home, and I left my home, to leave our parents and cleave to each other, we traded singleness in for our home, our bed, our bank account. Our lives together forever.

Destined for a separation

Becoming one is two separate people fusing together to become one person. But when those two separate people stay separate in ways, its almost impossible to have oneness in any other area.

Example: You have your bank account and your spouse has theirs. You can’t have oneness in your finances. You have discussions about who pays this bill and who pays that bill. Or you say "they can’t get mad because of how I spend my money because I paid my half of he bills." Really? That sounds more like a roommate situation than a marriage. And roommates eventually separate. You would be hard pressed to find roommates who live peacefully together for their entire lives here on this earth. So when our marriage is set up like a roommate situation we then put ourselves on the fast track to separation or better yet, divorce.

Ask Hubby Love

I asked hubby love for his input on this topic, and here is what he had to say…

It’s hard to become one when you are both going in two different directions. If solidarity is so great why then did you get married? You see, the lie that the devil wants us to believe and live our lives by is that the result of becoming one is losing oneself, and that’s just not true at all. Here, biblically speaking, becoming one actually makes life greater(greater is a word specifically for this post😄). When you became one you are greater than what you were before. I liken it to cheeseburgers. To get one cheeseburger for each of us is great, but, to put those two cheeseburgers together and produce the Mando Burger, is greater!

The reason this concept is so difficult is because we are all selfish individuals who love our individuality. It’s a what can you do for me attitude, not a what can we be together motto. When we’re one, we are in this together. All of this; the finances, our goals, the kids, our plans, the chores, our dreams, the hard talks about how we spend OUR money… we are in ALL of this TOGETHER! T. Young

When you became one you are greater than what you were before.

Becoming One encompasses every aspect of oneness, spiritually, physically, and mentally. Without this, Our marriages do not embody what scripture calls for our marriage to be.

Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

What are your thoughts on becoming one in every aspect of your marriage?

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Be Faithful, Be Free

E. Young

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