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  • Writer's pictureE. Young

Baby, Let's Talk About it!

Com-mu-ni-ca-tion; NOUN- 1. A verbal or written message; 2. A technique for expressing ideas effectively (as in speech)

Why is it that we nag and complain about what are spouses are not doing to please us, when we haven't taken the time to express effectively to them, or God, what it is that we want?

"Your Honor, we want a divorce!" "Why?" the judge asks. " because your honor, we haven't taken the time to learn how to effectively express our feelings to one another!"

Communication… One of the biggest issues in marriages today

Good communication comes from practice, experience, respect, and the time which you are willing to put into it to “Save Your Marriage”!

God communicates with us constantly. Through His holy spirit, His word, and through many other avenues. Communication is the only way to keep a relationship alive. Without water, our bodies will shut down, until we eventually die. That is the same concept when it comes to communication in a marriage. Without loving, effective communication, the marriage will eventually die.

Without loving, effective communication, the marriage will eventually die.

We should effectively express our hurt, anger, and happy feelings in a loving and gentle way. Our spouses are not mind readers (Praise God!) We sometimes expect them to know everything that we are thinking. What our desires are. What our fears are. What our favorite food, favorite flower, and favorite color is. All this without ever communicating these things to them. They do not know your thoughts. So, stop nagging and complaining over something that is ultimately your fault.

As a mother of 8, (7 still home), I do quite a bit of laundry. Often times I think to myself… "I sure do have a lot of laundry that needs to get done." Now, if I didn't express to my husband that I felt a little overwhelmed, how would he know that I felt overwhelmed. I must first, lovingly communicate to God my needs. Why God first? Well, that's simple, because He is the only one who can really change anything. I can tell my spouse, until I'm blue in the face, yet he can't change until God softens his heart to change. Then, I must lovingly communicate my needs to my husband. Remember, we are in a three-fold relationship: God, spouse, and self.

Leave it at the feet Jesus

Now comes the difficult part. Once you have communicated your issue to God, and your spouse, you have to now " cast your care upon the Lord..." and trust that ".... He will sustain you: He will never let the righteous fall" ( Psalm 55:22) That means, you must now, let it go. Leave it at the feet of Jesus! Will there be a time where you may need to lovingly remind your spouse of how you feel, maybe. But, no more nagging about it. Definitely no more complaining about it. Continue on your merry way, with a joyful attitude and watch how God changes things. Through loving communication with your spouse, It may take 5 hours, but it may take 5 years. All in all, you must stay patient and stay faithful. Change is already happening.

All in all, you must stay patient and stay faithful. Change is already happening.

Needs, Dreams, and Desires

Communication with your spouse doesn't end with issues. Matter of fact, it shouldn't start there either! The bulk of communication with your spouse should be about your needs, dreams, and desires! Yes, Communication shouldn't be all gloom and doom, ponies and rainbows should be in there also! Ok, no ponies and rainbows, hubby love is not about that life, but topics that lead to more joy than the possibility of arguments, for sure.

For example, I NEED for my husband to lead me to Christ. That is an ongoing conversation. Not about him leading me, but him sharing with me the goodness of our Lord. I never get tired of talking about our God!

I also have other physical needs and so does he. He, however, never gets tired of expressing that need to me! EVER!!!😂

Our desires and dreams, I would argue were meant to be shared with each other. God didn't put us together for us to keep everything inside. It wasn't good for man to be alone. He had the animals, and could definitely talk to the animals. However, the animals couldn't talk back. They couldn't affirm the man, they couldn't smile and tell him "that's an awesome dream, honey'. No, they could just chew their cud and relieve themselves all over the garden. God said, no, no... this is not good. The man can not be alone! And along came the woman from the rib of the man. She now became his partner in life. Someone to share his dreams and desires with. How good is our God!

The bulk of communication with your spouse should be about your needs, dreams, and desires!

Communication in a marriage is definitely not something that needs to be taken lightly or taken for granted. It's truly your marriages life line. Your marriage will not survive without it!

Be Faithful, Be Free

E. Young

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